


Hold me close, Keep me safe

by Ma_skee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Hospitals, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, Narry - Freeform, Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, Niall Horan - Freeform, Sick Character, Sick Louis Tomlinson, Sickfic, Ulcerative Colits, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25706677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ma_skee/pseuds/Ma_skee
Summary: Louis is not the kind of person to ask for help. He is a very independent and fairly privet person. One of the hardest tasks to him is to openly communicate.So when he begins experiencing a flare and growing sicker and sicker, he has a difficult time talking with Harry, who just wants to take care of him and make him feel better.Comments really make my day, I'd appreciate it if you left one :)
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 16
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this fic, Louis has Ulcerative Colitis, a life long chronic illness. If you want to know more about it, you can ask our good friend Google. I can also try my best to answer.

Harry was planning an extravagant dinner for him and Louis.

Louis had seemed very down the past few days and Harry wanted to try and cheer him up. Going out to restaurants always stressed Louis out because he knew anytime he went outside people would be watching him. The next best thing was their own kitchen and dinning room.

Harry had already set the table - fancy dishes on a crisp white table cloth - and had even dug up some candles to light.

In the kitchen, Harry had music blasting through a speaker while he cooked his and Louis' special meal - chicken, parmaham, and homemade mash. The music was playing so loud that he didn't hear Louis come in.

Louis set his bag down and kicked off his shoes before walking to the kitchen, following the music. There he found Harry dancing like an idiot while cooking something on the stove. A smile crept onto his face. It wasn't often he saw Harry this carefree.

Harry continued to dance, unaware Louis was watching him. At the end of the song he spun in a circle and finally noticed Louis. He jumped back and clutched his chest, startled.

"Oh, Lou, you scared me" Harry breathed.

Louis' smile grew wider. "Hi Hazza."

"Hi"

Louis closed the distance between them, wrapping him arms around Harry's middle. In return, Harry put his arms over Lou's shoulders, spatula still in hand, hugging him close.

This was just what Louis needed. He had spent all day running around from one thing to another - an early morning performance for a radio show followed by an interview, a photo shoot, and meeting to discuss plans for the future followed by two more interviews. He was exhausted and he felt achy, especially his right knee. But hugging Harry close, breathing in his scent, made him feel a bit better.

Harry then pulled away. "Sorry love, I don't want to burn the chicken."

"mm, it's okay."

"I've got about two more minutes here and then dinner should be ready."

"What are we having?"

"Oh, k'now... chicken, wrapped in paramaham..."

Louis giggled. "Stuffed with mozzarella..."

"And a side of homemade mash." Harry picked up the pan he was cooking with, turned off the stove, and expertly dropped the two large chicken pieces onto plates on the counter. Louis opened the cupboard and pulled down two glasses, filled them with water, and followed Harry to the dining room. They set down the dishes and took their seats.

"So, how was your day?" Harry asked as he dug into his food.

"Busy." Louis mumbled. He was staring at his plate, nervous to dig in.

Over the past few days, Louis had been feeling under the weather. It wasn't too bad a first but he could feel the symptoms growing worse every day. It was getting difficult for him to eat because he knew it would hurt later. As much as he loved this special chicken parmaham, it was a hefty meal that he knew his body couldn't handle right now. Hell, it could hardly handle the salad he had for lunch.

"Lou?"

"Hm?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay."

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"Oh uh... I was thinking about the radio interview I did this morning."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, they asked me about the flamingo leg thing I do - Where I stand on one leg because my knees hurt sometimes?" Harry nodded. "Yeah, well I told them that and then during lunch somebody showed me an Instagram post and it was a bunch a different pictures of me standing on one leg and all the comments were like 'oh poor Louis his knees hurt', 'I hope he's okay', yada yada."

Harry couldn't help but laugh at Louis' impression of the comments.

"But the thing is Haz, I don't always do that because my knees hurt, sometimes I just stand like that. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. But now anytime I stand like that, everyone's going to freak out over my knees."

"I'm sure it won't be that bad. I mean, Liam constantly casually dropped that he only had one kidney and it was only acknowledged for a little while." Harry took another bite of his food. Louis still hadn't touched his plate, which was making Harry a bit nervous. Louis loved food, especially this food. It was their special meal! He knew it was more that just this one Instagram post about his knees bugging him, but Harry knew that Louis didn't like to be pried at either. 

Louis sighed. "Yeah, maybe." He picked up his fork and started to cut off a bite of chicken. He had hardly eaten all day and this was a special meal. He was going to eat it even if it made him stomach hurt later.

Louis took a while to finish his plate - Harry was done long before him - but the mood of the conversation picked up. Once Harry almost spit water all over the table from laughing. After Louis was done, they continued to sit a talk, enjoying this time together.

At least, Louis was trying to enjoy it. His stomach was beginning to cramp - deep, painful aching right in the center of his gut. He was trying not to react to it but the best he could do was keep his arms over his belly and try to keep up with his side of the conversation.

Harry had noticed Louis' sudden change. He looked like he was almost folding in on himself. Hands over his stomach, shoulders hunched, and his face seemed to have gotten a bit paler. 

"Are you okay, Lou?"

"What? Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Louis immediately straightened out, dropping his arms to his sides and sitting back in his chair.

"I'm telling you, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes, Harry."

Harry sat there, trying to decide if he should push or not. Louis really did not seem fine. He had seemed un-fine for the past few days but Harry thought it was just his mood being down. Now he looked genuinely sick.

"Alright then... wanna watch a movie?"

"Yes, that sounds lovely." Louis stood up, biting his lip to hide a wince. He picked up his plate to carry to the kitchen and reached for his glass, only to accidentally knock it off the table. It fell to the ground and shattered, sending glass and water everywhere. Harry jumped up, startled by the noise.

"Shit." Louis set his plate back down and crouched to pick up the big pieces of glass. As he set the pieces in his other hand, he could feel his chest beginning to tighten. Before he knew it he was sitting there, breathing fast, tears streaming down his face and his hands pressed over his ears - even though he was still clutching broken glass.

Harry - who had gone to grab the broom - found him like this. Crouched on the floor and crying.

"Lou? Louis, what are you doing?" Harry reached out and grabbed Louis' shoulder. Louis pulled away, tightening his grip around the glass. "Louis, it's okay. It's just a glass. Hey, it's okay Lou."

Louis didn't answer. He just shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Louis, it's okay, I promise." Harry tried again to touch Louis, and he pulled away. "Louis, I need you to move so I can clean up the glass, okay? Take a deep breath for me."

Louis tried, he really tried to take a deep breath, but he couldn't make himself to it. He shook his head again and pressed his fists over his ears. He felt Harry's hands tug on his wrists. Louis fought the urge to pull away and let Harry pull him onto his feet. He kept his hands over his ears as Harry wrapped his arms around him. Harry held Louis close and used one hand to trace up and down Louis' back.

"Breathe with my hand." 

Louis could feel Harry's hand on his back, going up and down, up and down. He tried his bast to follow it, finally catching his breath again. Harry began to make the line longer, having Louis take deeper breaths. Soon Louis began to relax.

They stood there together - Louis with his arms brought in close and Harry with his arms wrapped around Louis, one hand tracing his back. Louis turned his head so he could lay it on Harry's chest.

"I'm sorry." Louis murmured.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Harry murmured back.

Louis sighed. "I don't know why that freaked me out so much."

"It's okay, as long as you're okay now."

"Yeah..."

"Do you still want to watch a movie? or we could go get in bed."

"I'm tired... let's go to bed."

"Okay." Harry kissed the top of Louis's head. "You head upstairs, I'll meet you up there."

Louis nodded and then pulled away from Harry. That's when he remembered he had glass in his hands.

"Oh."

"What?"

Louis slowly opened his hands, revealing the broken glass. Through the clear shards, spots of blood could be seen.

"Oh, Lou..." Harry picked the glass from Louis hands, setting it on the table. Then he led him down to the bathroom where they kept a first aid kit. Louis took a seat on the closed toilet and Harry sat on the edge of the bathtub. In the better lighting he double checked that no glass was still in his skin before coating the cuts in triple antibiotic and covering them with tape, which would stay much better than regular bandages. Once his hands were wrapped, Harry placed kisses on both of them.

"Now you head upstairs and put on comfy clothes. I'll clean up quick and meet you upstairs in... say 20 minutes. Okay?"

Louis nodded, but didn't get up to leave. His stomach was cramping again.

Harry picked up the wrappings from the kit and tossed them in the trash. He then turned back to Louis, who hadn't moved. He was still sitting with his elbows on his knees and his hands in the air.

"What's up Lou?"

Louis slowly breathed out, trying to ease the pain. Tears sprung up in his eyes. "My stomach hurts."

"Are you gonna be sick?"

Louis shook his head. "It's not like that."

Harry didn't know what to do. He just wanted to have a nice night to make Louis feel better, but now he was much worse. Harry pushed down the thoughts blaming himself for this. It was nobody's fault.

"Is it your sickness?"

"Huh?"

"The sickness you told me you had? Ulcer..."

"Ulcerative colitis."

"Is that what this is?"

Louis let out another slow breath, his eyebrows creased. "I think so."

"Okay... what do we do then? Like, do you have some medicine?"

"Uh, no, it doesn't work like that... just gotta treat it like anything else..."

"Uh, okay.." Harry sighed. What a night this had turned out to be. "Then let's go upstairs, get you comfy, and I'll bring you a heat pack and some Tylenol."

Louis nodded. Harry grabbed his wrists and pulled him to his feet. Then he picked Louis up, carrying him bridal style. 

"I can walk, Hazza."

"I know," Harry said as he headed upstairs. "But this is the least I can do."

Harry carried Louis all the way to their closet, where he was set down on a bench. Then Harry grabbed one of his own hoodies to give to Louis. Slowly Louis peeled off his shirt, shivering when the cold air hit his chest. He gratefully took Harry's sweater, which was much to big on his thin frame. Harry also handed Louis a pair of sweatpants before ducking out of the room to give him some privacy. He stayed close though, ready to help at a moments notice.

Soon Louis came shuffling out, a pair of socks pulled over the ends of his sweatpants. Harry thought it was cute when he did that. Once Louis had heard that it was a "wrestler thing" to wear socks over sweatpants. Ever since then he would wear his socks like that - simply because he was not a wrestler and it might make somebody a bit pissed. 

Louis crawled under the covers of their bed and pulled the hood on his head. Harry leaned down and gave him a kiss.

"I'll be right back, okay?"

Louis nodded and closed his eyes, exhausted. 

Harry went back downstairs and made quick work of cleaning up. First he swept the glass in the dinning room and then he carried the rest of the dishes to the kitchen where he quickly filled the dishwasher. Next he dug around for the heat pack, eventually finding it in the cupboard above the fridge. Finally, he grabbed the Tylenol bottle and a glass of water before heading back upstairs. 

At first he was startled when he realized Louis wasn't in bed, but relaxed when he noticed the light was shining under the bathroom door. He set the items in his hands on Louis' bedside table and went to the closet to change.

Just as he was finished, he heard the bathroom door open. Louis came out, looking pale and shaky. He crawled back under the covers, pulling them tight around his body. Harry came up beside him.

"Hey Lou," Harry gently ran his hand over Louis' back. "I brought you some Tylenol. Can you sit up?"

Slowly Louis sat up, keeping his eyes closed. Harry set the pills in one hand and the water glass in the other. Louis set the pills in his mouth, immediately grimacing at the taste. He quickly took a big gulp of water and handed the glass back to Harry, who set it back on the bedside table.

Harry then went around to his side of the bed and crawled under the covers himself. Louis rolled over and snuggled his face into Harry's chest. Their legs intertwined beneath the blankets. Harry let himself fall asleep, knowing he had Louis safe in his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

Harry was woken later that night by Louis struggling out of his arms. He lifted his arm, letting Louis escape. Harry heard his feet hit the floor and then the bathroom door close a few seconds later. 

Harry tried to open his eyes but he was still mostly asleep. The dark room was made fuzzy by his blurry eyes. It was too much effort to keep them open and it wasn't long before he was drifting back to sleep.

Suddenly Louis was there, trying to crawl back into bed, startling Harry.

"Sorry Love." Louis whispered as he tugged the blanket over him.

"Hmm." Harry wrapped his arm back around Louis as sleep tugged at his head.

\-----

Harry woke up a second time that night because he was too hot. He sat up in bed and tugged off his hoodie, tossing it onto the floor. Then he snuggled back up to Louis.

Except he was still hot. Harry sighed and sat back up in bed, rubbing his eyes. His throat was super dry. If he was awake he might as well get some water.

He carefully slipped out from under the covers so he didn't disturb Louis. He tiptoes down the stairs, stepping over the one that squeaked.

In the kitchen he pulled down a glass and filled it at the kitchen tap. As he drank, Harry thought over the events of their disaster dinner. 

Why had a glass breaking freaked Lou out so much? And why wouldn't Lou just admit when he was feeling ill? Harry did his best understand all the in's and out's of Louis' disease but he wouldn't know how to help if Louis didn't tell him. He just wanted to do everything in his power to make Louis better. But Louis had a bad habit of keeping things to himself until he had no choice. 

Harry sighed. He was too tired to get himself worked up right now. He set his glass in the sink and headed back upstairs.

Louis was laying exactly as Harry had left him. The clock on his bedside table read 5:36am, explaining the grey light coming from behind the curtains. Harry crawled under the covers. He could still get in a few hours of sleep before he really needed to get up.

He took his back his spot next to Louis. Only to feel hot again.

Harry sat up. He watched Louis for a few seconds, watching his chest rise and fall. Then he reached out and gently lay his hand on Louis' cheek. It was so warm.

Louis had a fever.

Harry sat back, using one hand to rub his eyes. This was not good. What was he supposed to do? He checked the clock again.

5:40.

Louis' management office opened at 6am. Harry would have to call in sick for him because he would never do it himself. Did they even have fever reducers in their house? He got up to check.

After digging in the medicine cabinet, he came up empty handed. He couldn't even find a thermometer. He was going to have to go to the store.

Harry knew there was a small pharmacy downtown that opened at 6. It took almost 20 minutes to get there, so it would hopefully be open by the time he got there. And it was early. Perhaps he could avoid running into fans.

Harry picked up the sweater he had tossed on the floor earlier. Then he found a notepad and wrote Louis a note.

\- Went to the store. Be back soon. Love, H.

He set the paper on Louis' bedside table and grabbed a pair of shoes from the closet. He gave Louis a quick kiss before heading downstairs.

He slipped on his shoes, grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone and headed out to his car.

The drive was quiet. Streetlamps were still shining and reflecting off of the wet pavement. It must have rained in the night. Fog wrapped around the edge of the windshield.

Harry pulled up to the pharmacy, relived to see the lights on and the parking lot empty. 

Inside, Harry went straight to the cold and flu aisle. There he quickly located fever reducers and a thermometer. Then he glanced around, wondering what else would help Louis. He briefly considered calling his mother, but decided against it. She was probably still sleeping. 

He ended up grabbing a few bottles of Gatorade, remembering his mother saying something about electrolytes once upon a time, as well as a few cans of soup, in a few different flavors.

Harry set his items on the checkout counter, where a kind man who looked to be in his mid-sixties mumbled a quiet "Feel better." Harry smiled his thanks, not bothering to explain that it wasn't for himself. 

Just as Harry opened the car door, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He sat down and set the bag in the passenger seat before pulling it out. It was a call from Louis.

"Louis?"

"Haz?"

"Hey."

Louis stayed quiet.

"Lou? What's up?"

"Where are you? I woke up and you were gone."

"I went to the store. I left you a note."

"Oh."

"I'll be home in twenty minutes, okay?"

Again, Louis was quiet.

"Louis?"

"Hm?"

"I'll be home in twenty minutes."

"... I have work today."

Harry started the car. "No, you're going to stay home today." He pulled into the street, heading home.

"... No, I- I can't do that."

"Yes you can. I already called you in. It's fine." He hadn't called Louis in yet but regardless of what the office had to say, Louis was staying home today.

"It's fine?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"...okay"

"Why don't you get back in bed, yeah? I'l be home soon."

"Yeah, okay."

"Okay. I love you."

"Hm, love you too."

The line clicked off. At a stop light, Harry scrolled through his contacts, looking for Louis' office. He hit the dial button and then put in on speaker phone so he could focus on the road better.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm calling to let you know Louis can't come in today."

"What? We have meetings today."

"You're going to have to reschedule. He's sick."

A hefty sigh came from the other side of the line. "Fine, okay. Tell him to get well soon or something."

"Yeah, sure."

Harry hung up the phone. Stupid management. 

\-----

Harry walked into the house and kicked off his shoes, quickly making his way upstairs.

Louis was laying in bed, fast asleep. The covers were pulled up to his chin and he had his hood pulled on over a beanie. Harry set the bag down on the floor and kneeled so he was face to face with Louis. He gently set his hands on Louis' face, feeling the heat radiating off of him.

Harry dug into the bag, ripping the thermometer free from it's packaging. Then he grabbed the fever reducers and set two of the pills on the bedside table, along with one of the Gatorade bottles. 

"Louis..." Harry gently shook his shoulder, hating that he had to wake him. "Louis... wake up Love."

Louis didn't move but he did give a small moan to show he was awake.

"Hey baby... I need to check your temperature, okay?"

Louis responded by opening his mouth for Harry to put the thermometer in. He was exhausted to the bone and felt absolutely terrible. His whole body felt achy and heavy and he was freezing.

Harry ran his hand up and down Louis' arm while he waited for the thermometer to beep.

103.5

Worry settled in Harry's chest.

"Louis, I need you to sit up so you can take this medicine, okay?"

Louis didn't answer. He was falling back asleep.

"Lou, c'mon." Harry grabbed his arms and gently tugged Louis into a sitting position. Louis whimpered. "I'm sorry love, but I really need you to take these. You've got a really high fever."

Harry set the pills in Louis' hand, who set them in his mouth. He took the Gatorade from Harry and took a sip, keeping his eyes closed.

"Can you drink more?"

Louis took another sip, trying to satisfy Harry. 

Harry's phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out to check the message.

It was his boss, asking if they were still on for lunch later.

\- I'm so so sorry, but I'm going to have to cancel.  
Louis is sick and I need to take care of him.

\- No worries Harry. Hope he feels better soon.

\- Thank you.

Harry turned back to Louis.

He was still sitting up with his eyes closed, Gatorade bottle in his hands. Louis felt like he was freezing. He couldn't stop shaking because he was so cold and he hated it. He tried his best to stop shaking but he couldn't stop and it was starting to freak him out. His body was moving without his controlling it and he hated it so much, his chest felt tight and he felt so frustrated, why couldn't he just stop?

Hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Oh, Lou-Bear..." Harry took the Gatorade from Louis's shaking hands, capping it and dropping it on the floor. He crawled onto the bed, pulling Louis into his arms. "It's okay, Louis. It's okay."

\-----

Louis' fever hadn't gone down.

Harry had laid in bed with him until he fell asleep and the shaking stopped. Then he got up and took a shower and made himself some breakfast. Louis was as still as a stone.

The worry wouldn't leave Harry's chest. It had settled, a dark, sharp, pulling feeling.

Harry was trying to get Louis to drink more Gatorade but hours later he hadn't even had half a bottle. He woke Louis again to get his temperature.

103.7

This was bad. His fever was rising, he wouldn't drink anything, and it was too early to give him more fever medication. Harry had tried taking off some of the blankets but it only caused Louis to begin violently shivering, making Harry want to cry from frustration.

Now he was sitting crisscross on his side of the bed, just watching Louis breath. 

He felt so helpless.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis couldn't remember ever feeling this shitty.

Sure, he'd had his fair share of being sick, but never like this.

He just... couldn't move. His whole body felt heavy and he wanted to just lie still and sleep until he felt better. 

Harry kept trying to get him to drink the Gatorade, but he just couldn't do it. It was to much effort for his exhausted body. 

He wasn't really sleeping either, he was just lying there, his head too fuzzy to really focus on anything around him.

And the shaking. He couldn't stop shaking and he couldn't find the words to describe how much he hated it. One of his biggest fears was his body moving with out him controlling it, like how your body would get thrown around during a car crash. This wasn't exactly that, but it was enough to freak him out.

Here he was, lying in bed in a hazy half sleep, shaking uncontrollably, absolutely freezing, feeling on the verge of death.

"Lou.." Harry put a hand on Louis' shoulder.

Harry had been taking care of him all day, and he loved Harry for it, but he just wanted to be left alone.

"Can you please drink some more Gatorade?"

Louis gave the smallest shake of his head.

"Lou, please. We need to get something in you."

Louis shook his head again. He didn't want to move.

"I put a straw in the bottle."

"No."

The one word was filled with so much force that Harry was taken back. Louis felt a bit bad because he could practically feel the worry coming off of Harry, but he wanted nothing more than to just be left alone.

Slowly Harry stood, setting the bottle on the bedside table, and went downstairs to the kitchen. He picked up his phone that was sitting on the counter, dialed a number, and took a seat at the dining room table.

"Hello?"

"Hey Niall."

"Harry! What's up man?"

"Louis is sick."

"Oh?"

"Like really sick Niall. I don't know what to do." The tight feeling that had been in Harry's chest all day suddenly worsened.

"What's wrong with him?"

"H-he's been feeling under the weather the past few days but last night his stomach started hurting really bad and when I woke up this morning he had a high fever and i-it's only gotten worse-" Harry cut himself off before he could start sobbing over the phone. Tears were welling up in his eyes.

"Do you want me to come over? I'm downtown, I can be there in fifteen." 

"Um, I don't know, there's not really anything to do..."

"I'll come over. If anything, I'm coming over to keep you from worrying your pretty little head too much."

Harry gave a small laugh. "Alright, alright. Thanks Niall."

"No problem. See you in fifteen."

"See you."

Harry hung up the call and watched his phone screen until it turned black. He sat back in his chair, picking at the edge of his phone case. His mind was stuck on spiraling thoughts, imagining the scenario far worse than it actually was, worrying about what would happen, what could happen to Louis.

Harry shook his head and sat up, resting his head in his hands. He couldn't think like that. Nobody was going to benefit from it. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, taking deep breaths. With each breath he imagined the air going deeper and deeper into his lungs, pressing out the worry when he exhaled.

"Harry?"

Harry jumped, his heart leaping into his throat. Niall walked into the dining room. Had he really been sitting there for fifteen minutes?

"Hey mate, how ya doing?"

"Oh, you scared me."

Niall laughed as Harry got up to give him a quick hug.

"For real, how are you?"

"...ok"

"And Louis?"

"... less ok. Actually, not ok. I'm not kidding Niall, he's really sick." Niall opened his mouth to respond but Harry talked right over him. "He's just laying in bed, not moving at all. Like he's so still, it's scary. Except for when he's shaking because he's so cold even though his fever is 104 and he won't drink - "

"Harry, wait stop, stop, stop. What did you say his fever was?"

"104?"

"Harry, you need to take him to the ER."

"What?" All the worry that he had exhaled earlier came flooding back, filling his chest so quickly that it took him a second to catch his breath.

"Lemme see him, yeah?" Niall asked, already headed twords the stairs.

'Yeah, okay." Harry mumbled, following behind. 

It only took one glance at Louis to tell he was seriously sick. He was tightly bundled under the covers, shivering, and his face was as pale as a sheet of paper.

"We need to check his temperature again." Niall said as he leaned down to set the back of his hand on Louis' face. "He's really warm."

Harry grabbed the thermometer and took Niall's place by the side of the bed and bent down to be face to face with Louis. 

"Lou, I need to check your temperature. Can you open your mouth?" Louis only gave a small moan. "I'm sorry Lou, but we really need to do this."

Louis opened his mouth a bit, letting Harry slip the thermometer inside. Then Harry began to run his hand through Louis' sweaty hair, which the beanie had long fallen off of but Louis was too tired to fix. It felt good to just be laying there, Harry's gentle touch easing him to finally actually fall asleep.

Then all the blankets were ripped off of Louis. He cried out in protest, curling up into a tighter ball. He could hear voices drifting around his head and it wasn't until one faded that he realized Harry hadn't been the only one in the room.

Now he was suddenly lifted into the air, being carried bridal style. He finally cracked his eyes open and found himself in Harry's arms, being carried down the stairs and through the kitchen.

"Haz?" He wanted to ask what was going on but his voice was so quiet the Harry didn't hear him even though their faces were only a foot apart. Louis sighed and closed his eyes, laying his head on Harry's shoulder, feeling at the very least safe and content.

Suddenly he was being put down, and the sudden movement made him open his eyes again. This time he was in the passenger seat of Harry's car, with Harry leaning over him to buckle his seat belt.

"Haz..." Harry looked up, almost looking scared by Louis' voice

"Hey Lou"

"...Wanna go back to bed."

"No, Lou, I'm sorry but we need to go to the ER."

Louis shook his head. "I just wanna go to bed."

"We can't, you're really sick."

"Please." Louis looked directly into Harry's beautiful green eyes, begging.

Harry stared back, his heart aching when he noticed the tears. He cupped Louis' face in his hands a pressed a kiss against his lips. "I'm sorry love."

"Hazza, please." Harry didn't respond this time. Instead he stood up and closed the door, quickly nodding to Niall who was in his own car, pulling up directions to the ER on his phone. Then he walked around to the drivers side of the car and climbed in.

Louis was sitting with his eyes closed, tear tracks on his cheeks. Once he had backed out of the garage and was following Niall, Harry reached over and set a comforting hand on Louis arm. Louis leaned into the touch, not because he had forgiven Harry for dragging him out of bed, but because every little sound was overwhelming him and when this happened it was easier to tolerate with Harry there.

He had no idea how long they were in the car, but his stomach was beginning to turn. He took some deep breaths, trying to keep whatever was inside from coming out.

It wasn't working.

"Haz,"

"Yes, love?"

"... I feel sick."

"I know Lou - "

"No, I feel sick Haz."

"... Like, Like you're going to be sick?"

Louis took another deep breath. "Yeah."

Harry immediately began searching for something that Louis could be sick in. He had cleaned out his car a few days ago and the only thing he could find was an old t-shirt he had left in the backseat after the gym yesterday. He reached back to get it and pulled it into Louis' hands.

"...This is a shirt."

"It's all I have, it's fine, don't worry about it." Harry was trying to navigate through the busy parking lot. "We're here anyways."

Louis closed his eyes. He really didn't want to be sick but he didn't really have a choice did he? He felt the car stop and turn off. It wasn't until Harry had climbed out of the car that Louis began to dry heave. The door opened and Louis turned away from it, not wanting to be seen like this. He gagged again, but all that came out was a thin strand of saliva. A hand was placed on his back while he sat there breathing deeply through his nose. A breeze from outside drifted through the car and suddenly Louis was freezing again, the t-shirt shaking in his hands.

"Are you still going to be sick?" Harry's voice drifted through his foggy mind. Louis shook his head. He didn't have anything in his stomach to throw up anyways. "I'm going to carry you inside now, okay?" Louis nodded.

He didn't really want to be carried, but he couldn't even keep his eyes open. He left them closed as Harry brought him inside, as he was set down in a chair, through the chatter he could hear in the room, when Harry grabbed his arm and taped a bracelet to his wrist, when he suddenly realized he wasn't wearing shoes, and when he was again lifted into the air and carried to another room. This time he was set on a stiff plastic bed with a paper cover on it. Louis went back to the position he had spent the majority of the day in - curled up on his side.

Voices floated around him but he couldn't catch any words. He could hear Harry's voice, deep and soothing, and another voice that he almost recognized but couldn't place a name too. Suddenly both were interrupted by a voice that was much higher and piercing - and much louder too. He pressed his fingers over his ears, trying to block it out.

He didn't realize people were talking to him until Harry put his hand on his shoulder and he was jolted out of the fog in his head.

"Lou, the nurse is trying to ask you questions."

The nurse stared talking again, her voice still piercing, but this time Louis could pay attention.

"Alright, can you tell me where you are hurting?"

"... my stomach."

"Where at?"

"... everywhere."

"Can you describe it for me?"

Describe his stomach?

"The pain, describe the pain" She elaborated when she saw the confused look on Louis' face.

"...Hurts."

"How so? Is it achy? Stabbing?"

"...yes."

There was a moment of silence as the nurse realized she wasn't going to get anywhere. Niall couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"Alright Louis, I'm going to get your vitals now, okay?" She grabbed the arm pressure cuff and turned back to him. "I need you to take off your sweater. The sleeves are too thick."

Louis just continued to lay there. Harry realized he was going to need to step in.

"C'mon Lou." Harry grabbed Louis' wrists and tugged him into a sitting position. 

"No..." Louis whimpered. Harry pulled his arms from the sleeves one by one, scrunched up the bottom of the hoodie, and tugged it over his head. "Haz, no, I'm c-cold."

"I'm sorry Love, but it's just for a little bit."

Louis didn't answer. The foggy feeling was coming back. The nurse strapped the blood pressure cuff on his arm and stuck a thermometer in his mouth. Soon they were both gone and she began talking again, but Louis had no idea what she was saying. 

Without the hoodie, he had gone from freezing to sub-zero. He could feel his body shaking again and suddenly there were more people in the room and when he figured out they were about to put an IV in him, he began to freak out a bit. He wasn't scared of needles and he'd had plenty of these in the past but the problem was this time he was shaking uncontrollably. He had always been a hard stick for the nurses and shaking sure as hell wasn't going to help. He was overwhelmed by all the people around him, touching and poking and talking so loudly.

Through all the chaos, he felt someone grab his hand, the one the nurses weren't messing with. Louis knew immediately it was Harry's by the callused finger tips. Harry began to run his hand up and down Louis' arm, trying to guide his breath. Louis did his best to follow, trying to focus only on Harry. He winced and gripped Harry's hand tight when he felt the pierce of the needle, holding his breath as they moved it around, trying to get it working.

Finally the IV was placed and Louis was too exhausted to be excited over the fact it only took them one try. Normally it took at least three. The nurse took some blood for labs, flushed the line, and then hooked him up to a pole with a bag hanging from it. The room emptied out.

Being careful of the line in his hand, Louis turned twords Harry, wanting his comfort. The tiny bed was too small for Harry to lay with him, so they settled with Louis laying his head on Harry's shoulder while Harry gently rubbed his arm.

Niall, who had been holding the hoodie, got up and draped it over Louis' shivering frame.

Eventually Louis fell asleep, trusting that Harry would take care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys know of any other good Larry fics, please let me know. Also, if you happen to know of any other good fics with Crohn's or Colitis, I'd love to read it


	4. Chapter 4

Louis woke with a start.

He slowly sat up, taking in his surroundings. Immediately he recognized a hospital room, but was not entirely sure how he got there.

He was laying on the bed, a thin scratchy blanket over him. He was still wearing the sweats he had put on the night before, but the hoodie was missing. To his left there were wires and machines, as well as a large window covered by a curtain next to a door leading to the hallway. In the front of the room there was a counter with a sink and a few drawers below. Above there was a small television. Next to the counter there was a door that lead to a bathroom. On his right there was a tall nightstand, a pale blue armchair, and a window with a padded bench below. The blinds were closed so he couldn't see outside. 

He was also alone.

Louis looked around again, this time searching for his phone, or something that could tell him the time. He lifted the blanket to check underneath when he felt a tug on his arm. It was an IV attached to the inside of his left forearm. How had he not noticed it before? He followed the tubing that was snaking down the side of the bed to the pole that was plugged into the wall next to his bed. There were a few bags hanging from it, one of which he recognized as a simple saline drip. 

He was thinking about pulling some main character movie shit and taking his pole and sneaking out, even go as far as taking the line out, but in all honesty he was too tired. Besides, before he could even attempt it, the door suddenly opened, startling him.

"Oh, Lou, you're awake!" Harry dropped the bag he was carrying by the side of the bed and gently pulled Louis into a hug before sitting on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Louis was feeling too on edge to properly return Harry's hug. "I- I don't know." His voice caught in his throat.

Harry leaned across the bed to grab a water bottle off the bedside table and handed it to Louis, who gratefully accepted. "Sorry you woke up alone, but I ran home to grab some things and Niall had a meeting he couldn't miss."

"Niall?"

"Yeah, Niall came by and helped out yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Louis shook his head. "What even happened yesterday?"

"Um... you had a really bad fever and I couldn't get it to go down, so I called Niall, he stopped by, and then we took you to the ER. You were sleeping when they transferred you to the hospital."

"A fever did all this?"

"A really bad fever, Lou. It was 104 point something. It's gone down a bit now, but you still have one."

"...But I have work."

Harry shook his head. "I already called you in. Gave them minimal details, told them you'll be in here a week or so."

"A week?!" 

"That's what the doctor told me."

"Oh."

"Speaking of, the doctor is supposed to come back in about an hour or so to talk about... this. Like, what's gonna happen."

"...Okay."

Louis was staring at his hands, watching his knuckles turn white as he gripped the water bottle tighter. Thoughts were spiraling through his head and he was having a difficult time sorting through them. Even with Harry sitting right next to him, one of the few people who made him feel safe and calm, he still felt on edge and anxious. His eyes were stinging as more ideas twisted around his brain.

"Lou?" Harry had a feeling that all of this would set off Louis" anxiety. "Whatcha thinking about?"

Louis only shook his head. His grip on the bottle had tightened and he was holding his breath - which somehow was better than breathing fast.

"Louis, you gotta breath." Harry scooched closer to Louis' side and began to run his hand up and down his arm, avoiding the IV. It took Louis a bit, but soon he was breathing with Harry's movement. Inhale when he traced upwards. Exhale when he traced downwards. It was something Harry used to do to himself when he got anxious, especially in front of cameras. He eventually found that the little trick could help Louis as well and they had been using it ever since. 

Harry had been sitting on the edge of the bed close to the door, but now he got up and walked around to the other side so he could sit next to Louis without hurting any of the wires. "Talk to me."

Louis sighed. Talking. He hated talking. To him it always felt fake or dramatic, like something that belonged in a play. He knew Harry would listen and be considerate and kind and sweet, but he still hated talking about his feelings and thoughts all the same.

But damn it, for Harry's sake he was going to force himself.

"Just... irrational thoughts." Ah shit, this was already hard. "Like... I know that you love me and I know that this doesn't change anything but I also know that you've never seen me like this. You've never seen this side of my disease. And part of that is because it just wasn't there but some of it is because- because... well, I didn't want you to see."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know... In the past I've had people completely change how they treat me once they find out about this. Either I'm fragile and broken or gross and contagious. Or they tell me to do some yoga while breathing essential oils through a diffuser made from seashells that were touched by dolphins while avoiding basically anything edible on this planet."

Harry laughed at his dramatic tone.

"It's just not very pretty. And I know, I know that you don't care if it's not pretty, that you're with me through anything. I know that. That's why they're such irrational thoughts. But I have a feeling that the doctor is not going to bring good news."

Harry couldn't help the worry that struck in his chest at those last words.

"I've only had this disease a handful of years but I've also been through almost every treatment option available. My body just doesn't like medicine. Every single time I visit my doctor, he changes something. Whatever this is, it's probably got something to do with the medicine I'm on. He's probably going to put me on penicillin - which, ew - and then change my treatment plan. And that's going to include what I can eat. Probably have me restart on the SCD diet..."

Louis trailed off, feeling like he had been talking to much. He took a sip from the water bottle that was still sitting in his lap. Harry was thinking over what Louis had said, trying to come up with a good response.

"Look, I may not know the fine details about your disease or be able to 100% understand what you're going through, but I am here for you. Whatever that doctor tells us, whether it's drastic or simple, I will be here. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Also, seeing you like this does not change my view of you. You're the same person to me as you were yesterday and the day before and the day before. You, Louis, are the person I love so much that my chest hurts. In a good way."

Louis leans into Harry's side. "You make my chest hurt too. In a good way." Harry leaned down and kissed Louis' forehead. Louis sat back up so he could give Harry a proper kiss. "My chest hurts because it's filled to the brim with love for you." Louis mumbled into Harry's lips.

"That's exactly what I meant." Harry mumbled back, a smile on his face.

\-------------

Louis' prediction about what the doctor would say were partially correct. 

On his first visit, Dr. Garcia said exactly what Louis had, that this was probably caused by his treatment - given the history of his body rejecting medications. Then he told them he was going to order some tests and needed blood samples, as well as stool samples, which sent a wave of heat to Louis' face. He talked about how long Louis would stay and than it mostly depended on Louis' fever. It was still fairly high but not as dangerous as yesterday. He briefly talked about diets, and then rushed out of the room to his next patient. 

A few days later, Dr. Garcia came back with test results. It was quickly concluded that the fever was caused by his body suddenly seeing the medication as something bad and attacking it. That meant Louis needed to change his treatment plan. After discussing the limited options, it was decided that Louis would begin taking medication through infusions, meaning he would have to come back every number of weeks to get his medicine delivered through an IV. He also decided that because the reaction was so drastic, he was going to put Louis on a different antibiotic than penicillin. Louis couldn't quiet remember the name but it came in a liquid form that he would take with a syringe and had to be special made in the hospital pharmacy. He brought up diets again, specifically the SCD diet. Louis had been on it before but had gotten to a point where he didn't need it anymore. Dr. Garcia said he didn't need to start from the beginning but he should definitely be cautious about what he ate. He left Louis a paper with a long list of food to avoid. 

Once the doctor rushed out again, a nurse came in with his first dose of the antibiotic and a carton of Ensure. With this restrictive diet, he was going to need all the extra nutrients he could get. Besides, he prefers slowly sipping the almost chalky drink to eating real food. The nurse also told Louis that once he was fever free for 24 hours, he would be able to go home. The fever had yet to be 100% gone, but it was significantly lower than it had been.

Harry had been there the entire time, just like he said he would. He listened carefully and intently when the doctor was talking, asking questions, trying to be informed. He made friends with the nurses who came to check Louis' vitals. He made sure Louis always had water with ice and made sure that he ate something - even if it was just a few bites of applesauce. He cheered loud enough for the whole floor to hear when Louis finally officially was fever free. When they received the all clear to head home the next day, he secretly called Niall and asked him to pick up an order of flowers and Thai food he had made and drop it off at home so it would be there when they arrived. 

Louis ended up falling asleep on the way home, lulled by the driving car, the rain splashing on the windshield, the quiet radio and Harry's gentle voice. 

When the car pulled into the garage, he woke up automatically. He made his way inside as Harry grabbed their bags from the trunk. He smiled when he found the large vase of deep red and and purple flowers. "How did you manage to pull this off?" He asked as Harry came up behind him.

Harry winked. "I have my ways." He picked up the takeout container and grabbed two forks. "Let's watch a movie and have dinner, yeah?"

"Yeah, but..."

"But what?"

"I-" Louis took a breath. He felt bad for ruining Harry's surprise. "I can't eat... takeout."

"Oh shit, oh no. Shit, I'm sorry Lou. I got excited and forgot. Ah, dammit, I'm sorry."

"It's okay Harry, it's a new diet."

"No, I know- "

"Haz, I promise you it's okay. Please don't beat yourself up over this. Just- right now, lets move on."

Harry took a deep breath and set the container back on the counter. "Okay. Louis, what would you like for dinner?"

Louis opened the fridge and dug around, trying to find something that would fit in his new restrictions. They would need to go shopping soon. Towards that back of the fridge he found a container of yogurt that wasn't filled with added sugars or fruit or sweeteners. He had no idea when they had bought plain yogurt, but when he opened the lid to check it there wasn't any mold, so it couldn't have been that old.

"That's not dinner." Harry commented when Louis began to scoop some into a bowl.

"I haven't eaten a proper meal in a week. It's dinner enough. Besides, we need to go shopping. This was all I could find."

"Alright fine." Harry dug through the fridge himself until he found some leftovers. Some of the food he saw definitely needed to be thrown out. They had been gone all week and some of the food had been there a while. But they could deal with that later.

Soon they where snuggled together on the couch, watching a TV show. Louis ate most of the yogurt but it wasn't long before he was falling asleep against Harry's shoulder. Harry turned off the TV and they headed upstairs, cuddling together in bed, glad to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have an idea for at least one more chapter so keep an eye out for that. Anyway, thanks for reading and please leave a comment, it makes me really happy :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh, I know I wrote them as singers and having fans in the earlier chapters but I ended up completely forgetting about that in this chapter.... oops.

Recovery isn't linear.

You don't just get better and better as more and more time passes. There are good days and there are bad days. Ups and downs. 

Louis was having a bad day.

His aching stomach had kept him up during the night and when he got up the next morning the aches were accompanied with a side of nausea. Harry had already gone to work for the morning and wasn't due home until early afternoon. Without anyone around to nag him about it, Louis skipped breakfast, opting for a cup of green tea instead and curling up on the couch. 

As a nonsense show played in the background, Louis found himself thinking about work. He hadn't been into the office for a few weeks and it was starting to get to him. With nothing else to occupy his time, Louis spent all day at home. He tried reminding himself that he was still recovering and taking time off work was perfectly reasonable, but he couldn't completely squish the feeling that he was being lazy and unproductive. He could still contribute his ideas and read meeting recaps through emails but instead he was staring at the wall with a cup of tea going cold in his hands. He should get up and go grab his laptop.

Get up, he tells himself. Get up right now and grab your computer and send some damn emails. 

But he can't. He's stuck where he is.

C'mon, you need to get some work done. Go grab the computer.

He is frozen to his spot, completely unable to move. He could blame it on his aching stomach, but at the moment his belly is fairly settled. For some reason he cannot physically get himself off the couch. He tries again to get up, tries so hard that his hands start shaking, sloshing the tea out of the mug and into his lap.  
He sighs and sets the mug on the coffee table. 

"It's fine." he mutters as he stands up.

"It's okay, it's fine." He wads up the blanket that the tea spilt on and carries it to the laundry room, dumping it into the washing machine. 

Did it really need to be washed if only tea was spilt on it? He stares at the blanket in the bottom of the machine, pondering. Then he slammed the lid shut. It didn't matter. He keeps staring at the machine, suddenly frustrated and upset that he couldn't handle a simple task like washing a throw blanket. 

"Goddamn it." Louis pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He hadn't been awake long enough to be this upset over tiny tasks. But that was another problem, wasn't it? Even though he was going to bed at a regular time he was waking up late. Being kept up all last night with a deep ache in his gut definitely hadn't helped and he was up way later than normal. He'd done his best to keep quiet because he didn't want to wake Harry - who had a meeting in the morning that he really couldn't miss. Speaking of, Harry was due home any minute now and Louis was still in pajamas with tea spilt on the legs.

Maybe a shower would make him feel better.

He heads upstairs and into the closet, gathering a set of clean comfy clothes. He snags a fresh towel from the linen closet because Harry probably showered that morning and Louis didn't feel like using a half dry towel. He turns on the shower and undresses, dropping the dirty clothes on the floor.

Hot water runs down his back, drips off his hair and splashes around his feet. A warm steam begins to fill the room and Louis breaths it deep into his lungs. He stands there for a few minutes, letting himself soak up how nice it felt. Yet, just when he reached for the shampoo bottle, a sudden pressure formed in his head. The sound of the hissing water faded away and Louis frantically grabbed for the shower bar as he felt himself tipping backwards. He slowly lowered himself to the floor, eyes wide. The pressure was gone as fast as it had appeared. What the hell?

Louis ended up taking the rest of his shower sitting on the floor. He had no idea what had just happened, but he was super glad he hadn't ended up passing out in the shower. How embarrassing would that be, especially if he was found naked. Yeah, no thanks. When he had finished washing the last of the conditioner from his hair, he used the shower bar to gingerly stand up, testing the waters. When the pressure didn't return, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel. He draped it on his head and scrubbed his hair before wrapping it around his waist and stepping up to his sink to quickly wash his face and brush his teeth. 

"Hey Lou." 

Louis jumped and spun around. Harry was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. 

"Damn Haz, you scared me."

"Sorry." Harry chuckled. "Just admiring the view." 

Louis rolled his eyes. He didn't feel like he was much to look at, particularly because he hadn't been to the gym in nearly two months - something he tried to do regularly - and had lost a considerable amount of weight. His new diet restrictions were not helping with the weight loss at all. He picked up the sweater he left folded on the counter and tugged it over his head. 

Harry smiled at the sight - Louis in an oversized sweater and a towel still wrapped around his waist. "I'm going to go make myself some lunch - have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah." Louis lied automatically as he tugged on a pair of sweats.

"Okay well, after I eat I think we need to go grocery shopping. The kitchen looks pretty empty."

"Yeah, probably. I'll make a list." Louis hung the towel on the rack and together he and Harry went to the kitchen. 

Harry dug under the cupboards to grab a frying pan and then opened the fridge, looking for the leftover chicken. On the top shelf sat a few nutritional drinks, meant to help Louis and his restrictive diet. He grabbed one and held it above his head, still facing the fridge.

"Add more of these to the list. There's only three left." 

"K" Louis scribbled onto the paper where he had already started the shopping list. 

Harry grabbed the chicken container and then shut the fridge. He set the drink next to Louis.

Louis frowned. "I already ate."

"You haven't had one of these today."

"Yes I-"

"No, you haven't. There were three in there when I left for work this morning and there are three in there now."

Louis' frown deepened. Now he was angry. "Don't mother me." He grumbled as he grabbed the drink and twisted off the lid. 

\-----

Louis hated grocery shopping. 

His stupid restrictive diet was so awfully specific that it was nearly impossible to find food he could eat. That's why the nutritional drinks were so important, but also why they were so annoying. 

Harry had been doing his best to help Louis with his diet by not letting himself eat anything to far out of what he could. The morning after Louis had come home from the hospital Harry had offered to follow the diet just as Louis would, which Louis quickly shut down.

"Look Harry, I appreciate your support, I really really do. But there's hardly enough food on this list to feed a kid, let alone a grown man like you. And yes, I'm also a grown man so this diet is going to suck for the first few weeks until we start adding in new foods but it's necessary. It gives my body a break while at the same time giving me a chance to figure out what makes me feel worse." 

Harry eventually ended up agreeing, but he still did his best not to eat things Louis couldn't, like chips and fast food and such. Louis had noticed he was eating healthier foods but decided not to bring it up. Harry had always been into healthy food anyway. 

Now Louis was standing in the produce section of the store, trying to find food he could eat while Harry went to grab things like paper towels and dish soap. And it was frustrating. So awfully frustrating. There really was almost nothing he could eat other than plain chicken, plain eggs, and plain yogurt. So plain.

He was starting to feel agitated and anxious and suddenly wanted nothing more than to go home. He grabbed the last thing on his list and went to find Harry, hands gripping the handle bar on the cart so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. 

They had ended up waiting until it was later in the day to lessen their chances of causing a scene. Luck had been on their side and the small grocery store was practically empty, save a few workers. Louis turned down the household items aisle. Harry was pulling a roll of paper towels off the shelf and had a few cleaning bottles under his arms. As Louis pulled up, Harry turned and gently set the items in his arms into the cart. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out the list Louis had written, scanning for the things he still needed to grab.

"I wasn't able to find soap for the dishwasher but we still have enough to last a few days." Louis let go of the cart railing and walked closer to Harry, feeling anxious and wanting comfort. "I couldn't find new sponges either..."

Harry trailed off as Louis wrapped his arms around the hand he was holding the list in, suddenly realized how anxious and jumpy Louis looked.

"Are you ok Boo?"

"C-can-" Louis swallowed thickly and rubbed his eye. "Can we go home please?" 

"...Yeah, of course. Did you get everything on your list?"

Louis nodded. He wanted nothing more than to be home and cuddling on the couch. 

The pair made their way to the front of the store where they were checked out by a stern middle aged lady. They quickly loaded the groceries into Louis' car and then Louis reached into his pocket and set the car keys into Harry's hand - a non-verbal communication that Louis felt too anxious to drive home. 

They drove home without talking, letting the radio fill the silence. Once they got home, Harry started the tea kettle so the hot water would be ready by the time they had finished unpacking the groceries. As Louis was folding the last of the paper bags and Harry was filling two mugs with hot water, Harry finally asked about the elephant in the room.

"What happened?" Harry set a tea bag into Louis' favorite orange mug and held it out to him. The two were leaning against the counters, facing each other. 

Louis sighed. These damn feelings talks again. He hated them. "I just got really anxious all of a sudden."

Harry sipped his own tea, staring over the rim of his mug, silently saying that Louis needed to elaborate. 

"I just - It's frustrating." Louis set his mug down on the counter behind him and crossed his arms over his stomach. "It's difficult to find things I can eat and even when we do I hardly feel like eating. I just got overwhelmed, that's all."

Harry nodded and set his own mug down. Then he stepped forward and pulled Louis into a hug. "I'm sorry baby..."

They stood there, Harry with his chin on Louis' head and arms wrapped around his back. Louis with his face tucked into Harry's chest and his arms pulled in. Harry loved it when they stood like this, loved holding his tiny boyfriend in his arms.

"So small." he murmured quietly. Louis heard him whisper. Louis knew he was smaller than Harry, that was obvious. Harry often teased him about it even though he loved it. Louis tried to be the big man - he was older - but you can't really change how tall you are. But recently, with the drastic weight loss he was working through, Louis had never felt more insecure about being small. Harry's loving comment suddenly made Louis tear up, which led to him holding his breath and tensing up, trying not to cry. 

Harry felt Louis suddenly tense in his arms and pulled away. Louis brought his hands to his face, trying to hide the tears. 

"Louis, baby, what's wrong?" Harry fretted as Louis only shook his head. "Did I do something?"

Louis shook his head again. His breath hitched violently and he slid to the floor, still hiding his face. 

"Louis, please tell me what happened." Harry crouched down next to Louis and gently pulled one of his hands away from his face. Louis let him take it and instead put his forearm over his eyes. "Please talk to me Boo."

"I'm s-sorry." Louis' breath hitched again and he paused to fight down a sob. 

"It's okay Lou, you don't need to be sorry."

Louis tried again to take a deep breath. "I-It's not your fault."

"What's not my fault?"

"You... You called me small and normally that wouldn't bug me but - " Louis cut himself off with a stuttering breath. "It's just with all the weight loss and I can't eat anything and I'm too tired all the goddamn time to do anything productive. I couldn't even get off the couch to send emails this morning. It's all so stupid."

Harry held Louis' hand, trying to give him comfort. 

"And I know it's okay for me to not be okay," Louis continued, dropping his arm from his face and staring at the floor. "But today was just really overwhelming and I... I don't know."

Harry gently rubbed Louis' hand with his thumbs as he thought over his next words. "It's okay Lou. We all have bad days. I'm sorry for upsetting you, I wasn't trying to - "

"I know, that's why I said it's not your fault."

"I still need to apologize. For my sake. So I'm sorry, and I'm sorry you had a bad day. All I can say is it will get better, right?"

Louis nodded. "Yeah."

"Yeah." Harry placed a gentle kiss on the back of Louis' hand. 

They sat there for a few more minutes, letting the moment sink in. Eventually they stood, Louis letting Harry pull him up, and they ended up cuddled on the couch watching old cartoon reruns until Louis fell asleep tucked into Harry's side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know where to go with this next so suggestions are welcome

**Author's Note:**

> Still trying to decide if I want to add onto this or not.... lemme know if you want me to continue the story


End file.
